What Your Birth Month Means

MAY
* Stubborn and hard-hearted (definitely)
* Strong-willed and highly motivated (sometimes only)
* Sharp thoughts (not really)
* Easily angered (yes, can definitely lose it)
* Attracts others and loves attention (hell yeah!)
* Deep feelings (ugh...)
* Beautiful physically and mentally (hell yeah!)
* Firm standpoint (dunno about that... hey, I've actually answered that..)
* Easily influenced (kinda..)
* Needs no motivation (well, I do need alot of motivation to get out of bed)
* Easily consoled (sometimes only)
* Systematic (left brain) (at times..does arranging my desktop counts?)
* Loves to dream (well, my dream-tv is currently not transmitting anything..)
* Strong clairvoyance (what? think i'll go with hell yeah!)
* Understanding (depend on mood)
* Sickness usually in the ear and neck (huh..)
* Good imagination (don't think so..)
* Good debating skills (no!)
* Good physical (hell yeah!)
* Weak breathing (well, yeah, last time)
* Loves literature and the arts (lit? no. arts... no also.. haha)
* Loves traveling (yeah)
* Dislike being at home (50% accurate)
* Restless (yes!!)
* Hardworking (ugh.. if forced)
* High spirited (hey, this is a repeat, tak aci)
* Spendthrift (hell no..)

if all else fails, this post is meant to *strongly* hint that my birthday is coming up... haha

WW3--Wonderful World, the 3rd Realm. lol.

Ya know, back when I was in high school, I used to follow all this irc/online-ing frenzy trends such as having a cybersis(s), where one consequentially became a petsis, before she dumped me.. heeh.. Hey, I was damm hurt man. She dumped me for a cuter gal! lol.. or prolly she can't stand me being cuter kua.. Then there was a cyberbro (who i incidentally found out to be alive and kicking on friendster) and ahem... all these ppl who send me birthday cards whom I've never met before.. and even one particular guy who I was totally crazy about.. (more in awhile).

It's actually pretty amusing when I think about it as I was relating it to a friend the other day. Years then, heh.. think was about form 3? Notti notti.... pmr year and it just had to be the year I found this new realm of reality--well anyway.. me and my friends--we were so "into" this new realm of reality as it were where it terbawak-bawak till in classroom. Chatting using papers and putting up nice chatrooms and inviting others to come and yak.. passing the papers around while the teacher is well.. ya know, teaching.

Well that aside, I even remember terikut-ikut my friends to do the YMCA anyway.. like stand up while the teacher was scribbling on the whiteboard (well, obviously with her back before us) and going on about some calculus thing or issit some e=mc2 thingy. Oopss.... wrong class. lol. Well we just stood up and just flung our hands in the air in the form of the acronym.. while the others were sniggering.. never thought I was so notti ya?

Yeah well.. back to IRC..

I met this guy in some pj school chatroom #samad. Or issit #smsj? Dunno lar... too many.. That time, I was hunting for some cute chessplayer--preferably in the national team (I know, I'm abit sad and lame).. think still am. Which explains why ppl kept coming to me sayin, you are those ppl who look really young but is actually oldddd rite.... haha. I need to grow up more. Oh, did I forget to mention? I'm abit of a chessnut back then... and I was quite coined with that nickname in highschool.... which is totally uncool when I think about it now. Blek..

Well, as I was busy scouting, I did happen to find that cute chessplayer on #samad. He's damm cute man. I can still remember when I was in this tourney. He didn't know me, then I happened to pass by--on my way back to the tourney room. Then I saw him. And he smiled. Aww... cute la that guy. Like Nick Carter look-alike (way, way, back then)...

Funnily there was this other guy who happened to message me at about the same time when I stumbled on that cute national chessplayer. And I think the only reason why he msg-ed me is becoz I was using some chessplayer nickname like kasprv or something.. guess he also looking for cute chessplayer yeah.

Anyway, from then on, he kept msg-ing me on IRC.. and I was just--oklor, layan him. At that time, he didn't interest me that much, since he doesn't play chess. So I will be waiting for the cute national chessplayer and while waiting, will chat with this guy. Funnily, he was always online. hah.. then when I always see him online and we yak-ed, I kinda.. well.. like to talk to him. He's pretty interesting and we are about the same frequency, lol. I even yak-ed more with him than the cute national chessplayer. harhar...

Then he wanted to meet me and he somehow went into #cbn and talked to a whole bunch of my friends to check me out. Well, he wanted to have breakfast. But I was on strict policy not to meet ppl whom I've met online. Plus, ya know what he told me? He told me he is very, very ugly. And his grades were pretty bad.. and that scared me a little.. hmm.. must remember.. that time my mind was 15 years old. lol. Anyway, it was also partly becoz my parents would sooo kill me.

Then one day, I got cheated, by my friends... we met up to skate, kononnye... set me up. Suddenly, he was there. Wah.... my friend told me. And I was like.. stumped. I was so stumped and embarassed of course.. that I pretend I didn't know he was there. At that time, he was ugly to me. It kinda grew into me when he represented himself as one and it kind of met the reality although that was not true of course.

He's actually really good-looking. To me, that is.. Well the best part is yet to come.

After a few months I think, I went for a chess tournament, in Sunway College. And do you know who was there? That guy. And you know what else? His name was listed as one of the top chessplayers in the country. He's a damm good national chessplayer. Which, sadly, I never noticed before. And I was like..... what?!? And all this while, I treated him like a normal person.. I even remember explaining to him something about chess. Feel damm stupid man.... And I was like... super super pissed. He totally misrepresented himself online. Never in a million years... he's in the nationals? haih....

Till today, I'm still wondering whether he was trying to be modest i.e to get me to like him for who he is or just being a plain con-artist.

Then, I can't remember what happened after that.. it kinda desolved. Together with my IRC days. But I did see him around in tournaments but I don't think he recognises me or probably he doesn't want anything to do with me. Yea well. I don't blame him.

What a ride. An ironic one

Funny how I can yak soo much online but when you meet me in person I'm a person of little words... and I just remembered... have to do up all those darn audit programs!!! argh....

Till There Was You

There were bells on a hill
But I never heard them ringing
No, I never heard them at all
Till there was you

There were birds in the sky
But I never saw them winging
No, I never saw them at all
Till there was you

Then there was music and wonderful roses
they tell me in in sweet fragrant meadows
of dawn and dew

There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No I never heard it at all
Till there was you

Stop and Look, The Sky is Still Blue

I've always wondered what would have gone through someone's mind just before they commit suicide. Some choose to kill themselves in such a horrible way. Why? Living in this world must have been so unbearable that they want out.

Reasons? Debt, love, school/work pressure and grades, even.

Often, I hear people saying that those who commit suicide are cowards. I don't reckon. It takes incredible amount of courage. But I do feel awfully sad for them to have been bold enough to see it through. It must have been excruciatingly painful to continue living than the pains of killing oneself.

Would anyone in the sanest mind frame commit such an act? Do they truly know what they're about to do?

Maybe, just maybe, they've beg God to forgive them in that very moment they realize that they were going to die and it was a mistake.

Please Lord, would you have mercy on them?

This post is in memory of a friend I've lost and to all those who have taken that road less traveled.

Some Rantings

There is a difference between solidarity and being lonely. One can be with everyone they cared for and still feel utterly lonely. For me there is not really a clear difference since most of the time it's fused. I wish I could be more matured and grow up!

**************

So i finally went out today... out of sheer desperation. Items bought: toiletries [i'm literally out of toothpaste], a book! [gosh, that always gives me a shock since i got so many books which i've started and not finished, piled up in a box-with a lid, no doubt to make it more accessible], birthday cards, baju's, a dunkin donut [yeah, one, and it's still sitting next to me], drank a wong lou kat, had teppanyaki and burger king, all in one day.

Oh, and I even learnt how to make tong yuen's from Evelyn.

Man, I'm so efficient.

By the way, the book i bought is titled The Little Prince. I've been hearing about it recently.. think it's just calling me to buy... finally gave in today. Think it should be easy to read.. since got alot of pictures.. and nice quality paper.. hehehe.

I'm so pathetic..

Wish I have more money... to buy some clothes which are slightly over my budget.. okay, maybe not just slightly.. but twice as slightly? a half cardigan for 80 bucks and a full cardigan for 140 bucks.

I'm so pathetic...

Fashion woes as always..

Moon River

Moon river, wider than a mile
I'm crossin' you in style some day
Old dream maker, you heartbreaker
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way

Two drifters, off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after the same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the bend
My huckleberry friend, Moon River, and me

Old dream maker, you heartbreaker
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way

Two drifters, off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after that same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the bend
My huckleberry friend, Moon River, and me

You and Me

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive

***************

I'm allergic to alcohol! I can't believe it! arghhh....